365 Days Sober...What I’ve Learnt.

As many of you may be aware of, I set out on a journey some 407 days ago now with the goal of completing an entire year of consecutive days working out. Spoiler alert, I nailed that goal and am still going! But one of the catalysts for setting such an ambitious goal stemmed from my intentions of reaching sobriety. As much as fitness helped me going / staying sober, sobriety helped better my fitness. A true-life changing journey that continues to fuel my passion for positive change.

Most stories of sobriety start when you’ve found yourself at the bottom. But not all, though my journey to sobriety isn’t as clear as, drinking to not drinking, the choice wasn’t solely centered on the need for sobriety. As a result of my personal relationship with alcohol or better yet the lack of restraint that came with putting a bottle to my lips, it was a contributing factor to my decision, but not the only one. I did it as a release. A release from social pressure. A release from FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). The release of need & want.

The biggest change came once I came to terms with knowing that I don’t have to drink in social settings just to have fun or be accepted. I don’t have to have a drink to relax. I didn’t need a drink to have fun, nor was drinking what made hanging out fun. I didn’t need a drink.

It took time, of course it did, going from grabbing a bottle without second thought to thinking it through each time someone said “wanna beer?”. It’s super tough when your good buddy whom you’ve had countless laughs and drinks with over the years asks you if you want a drink. You begin to associate that person with the action. The act of drinking becomes synonymous with the process of fun. This is the step towards sobriety that was by far the hardest to overcome. Because you don’t want to alienate yourself. Lock yourself away and never hang out with people just because you’ve chosen not to drink. But social pressures, the hankering for a good time, and the grip of tipsy living is a hard one to shake, especially when the want-to-quit doesn’t come from a necessary need-too.

The first few parties were tough no doubt. “Hey man you’re not drinking? Good luck with that!....you sure you don’t want a drink? ….c’mon man you can have just one….seriously just have a few, you don’t have to get drunk…yeah just wait till later, you’ll be hammered 100% aha…” All things I heard, and in no bad taste do I write about those, I too would likely of said similar things. But it just goes to show the grip of, let’s call it, social alcoholism, has on people. Whether they meant it or not, alcohol was simply being used as the catalyst for a good time. What friends wanted was for me to have fun, but in the moment, in their eyes, a good time only came with drinking. However, sticking to my choice, by nights end people came around and even applauded the fact that I contained my urges and did not have a sip. This was my first real test, and a test I’m glad I passed.

Lesson 1: The easiest part is telling yourself you want and need to change; the hardest part is convincing others.

The battle, whether it be for sobriety or weight loss or simply living healthier is with yourself. 1 v 1. But it would be naïve to think that external influences do not play a part. That’s why lesson one is about committing to yourself first, and then creating a clear boundary that lets others know how serious you are, and how much it means to you. When others, specifically those in your social circle come to terms with your decision and how much it means to you, then you’ve conquered your first major trial. Having people on your side fighting with you can make the biggest difference. Just having a friend agree with your decision and ask you what they can do to help can be the difference between success and failure. Accountability breeds realization. Sadly, if they can’t accept your choice, re-evaluate your friends ….

Once I came to terms with not needing alcohol to have fun in social settings things got a lot easier. I began enjoying social settings for what they were meant to be, socializing. I felt without the added pressure of drinking and managing my lack of control, I was able to interact with people clearly and deeply. Built deeper connections and had thought provoking conversations that I actually remembered. With that came a greater sense of friendship.

For me personally lesson 1 demonstrated my single greatest trial, outside of that I didn’t face many crossroads. I never truly enjoyed alcohol, I didn’t like what it did to me physically and mentally, and certainly didn’t enjoy spending all the money. Many people struggle with withdrawal, closet drinking, and binging actions, on alcohol or food. Others take up new vices, many others fall back in.

For me fitness has always been my main focus. I just want to be fit, ready to take on any task, and do it to the best of my ability. Alcohol slowed this process. The biggest change I noticed after a few months was the effect on my heart, mind, and body. I didn’t gain weight nearly as much, my sleep was deep and restorative, my face was clear, and my body felt impeccable. I cannot express the level of physical freedom I felt having to not be recovering from a night out, or a filthy binge eating episode at 3am in the McDonald’s parking lot. (Don’t get me wrong, the memories made there are cherished nonetheless). It was like a massive weight lifted off my shoulders knowing I had no problem going to bed early, getting up early, and being free from any external detrimental influences.

This leads me to my second lesson.

Alcohol for many is enough, but for many others it is a gateway to other substances. For some this is drugs, for me it was food. Drinking always became an excuse to pound down copious amounts of chips and burgers. The excuse was always “it’ll help with the hangover”, partly true, but not the true motivation. Having a pour relationship with food (restricting in the day, binging at night) alcohol just exacerbated the issue. Pound down a few too many cold brews and off to McDonalds or ordering up an XL pizza with extra toppings. I didn’t like the way it made me feel, I couldn’t afford it, and the guilt didn’t match the reward.

Lesson 2: Don’t let your choices be the gateway to even worse choices.

Drinking, for me, always led to more drinking, overspending, and feeling like a dump on a log. All things that still put a bad taste in my mouth. If you can avoid one bad choice lending a hand to another, then you can forgo the whole scene in the first place.

Lastly, though not nearly all of what I wish to say, is the fact that alcohol made me out of control. I put myself and others in harm’s way just by being loud and pushing the limits. All things seem funny and worth it at the time, but later on only breed self-destruction. Breaking walls and doors, stealing lawn ornaments, and singing loudly in the middle of the night. All things we’ve almost all done but shouldn’t be applauded. No harm no foul, yes, but in the world, we live in there is always someone to hurt, so it’s our duty to respect everyone. And when you begin not only getting yourself in trouble but others, that’s when the line must be drawn.

Lesson 3: Don’t let your actions bring others down.

If you can’t control yourself, you are not only harming yourself but those around you. Out of respect a line must be set, and you got to check yourself. Fun is fun till someone gets hurt. For me nothing serious ever happened, and for the most part it was me hurting me, so that’s why it was so important for me to get through this and quit drinking altogether.

Alcohol is not the enemy, nor is the bullet in a gun, it’s he who pulls the trigger and takes the sip that dictates the outcome.

Lesson 4: As soon as you realize you are the problem, the problem can be solved.

To solve the problem, you must understand who, what, and how the problem is affecting you and those around you. Only then can you start towards change.

There is a lot I’d like to further talk about, but just know that I don’t condemn drinking alcohol, I think in moderation and with respect towards the power it has over people, alcohol is civil and should be enjoyed. Just know your limits and stay clear of them.

In 365 days of sobriety, I’ve built a business, restored friendships, realized the false nature of others, and begun building towards my better self. My health and wellness have greatly benefitted, I no longer struggle with depression, my thoughts are clear and concise, I have purpose. I don’t struggle, nor do I care about gaining weight. I’ve built a strong relationship with food. I exercise every single day. I work hard. I stay on task. Most importantly I enjoy meaningful conversations, I’m not afraid of going to bed and waking up with regret anymore, and I look forward to choosing the outcome of my social settings. I’m in control.

My journey is different from many others, and I wish to hear about the path’s others have taken to sobriety. Some like myself chose it preemptively, others may be climbing their way back from a much darker place. Either way it’s a choice, a commendable one at that. If any of you reading have questions, comments, concerns, or want to share your story, I’m all ears!

Never forget that progression is built through consistency and tested by passion.

JB